Hvad kan vi lære af nigerianerne?

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Six rules for perfect e-mail pitches
Nobody pitches like the Nigerians.
They steal into your e-mail in the quiet of night and wait for you to begin your day. They are earnest and friendly and write with a great sense of urgency. But they are also quite patient and most appreciative of your time.

I call them the Nigerians, because they’re the ones who started the relentless stream of e-mail pitches that arrive in my inbox and yours, begging us six ways to Sunday to accept the millions of dollars that could be ours if only we would take a moment and contact them.

Often imitated but never duplicated, the Nigerians scam like nobody else. And in every seemingly irritating e-mail, they conduct a clinic for anyone who pitches to media.

Consider the qualities that make up a good Nigerian e-mail con.
1. Persistence. If you’re in media relations, you get used to reporters saying no to you. A lot. They’ll discard your pitch without a word, ignore your phone calls and brush away all manner of appeals—until the one time you hit on something that touches a nerve or, truth be told, fills a need.

In media relations, you can’t let the chorus of “no” deter you. It doesn’t matter how many reporters you pitch if one says yes, and so it goes with the Nigerians. They’ll ask thousands, if not millions of people if they can just please transfer large sums of cash into their bank accounts, because it only takes one poor bastard to make their scheme fly.

2. Exclusivity. It’s what every reporter wants, and if nothing else, it’s what the Nigerians promise even as they’re promising exclusivity to the first taker.

But the Nigerians go one better. Their e-mails promise exclusivity and, just in case you’re skeptical, they seal the deal with secret information. In a recent pitch, the chief accountant of the Federal Republic of Nigeria offers this bit of inside dope: The crate he’s sending us contains “money,” but is labeled “diplomatic documents belonging to my client (that’s you).” Where do I sign up?

3. Storytelling. The problem with most press releases and story pitches is that they don’t provide what reporters crave most: a good story. Most PR missives are filled with useless blather about your company and how you’re the world leader in something that can’t seem to stand on its own without the word solutions slapped onto the end of it.

Most PR people I know think this is really dumb, but their executives insist that this kind of writing will certainly land them on the front page of The Wall Street Journal. They make the biggest PR mistake of them all. They tell, but they don’t show.

Not so with the Nigerians. Their focus, as in this example, is always on a good story, and the more dramatic the better. They understand, as any good media relations pro should, that drama sells, particularly if the story involves an American who died in a plane crash along with the former Nigerian Sports Minister.

4. Benefits. Any good media relations pitch needs to sell the benefits, and the Nigerians never disappoint. If all marketing is based on fear or greed, the Nigerians use both—in bunches. They want to give you lots of money (greed) and worry that if they don’t act soon all will be lost (fear). It doesn’t get any better than that.

5. Third-party affirmation. One of the best media relations approaches goes something like this: “We’re great, but don’t take our word for it. Listen to what these experts say who have absolutely nothing to do with us.”

In a recent pitch from Sierra-Leone, Mrs. Wilfred pulls out all the stops with a plane crash, a dead husband and child, and her upcoming cancer operation. Fearing that might sound a little outlandish, she offers linked copy to a CNN.com story to back up her claims. Now that’s using the Web!

6. Variety. You can’t tell the same story the same way every time. If a pitch doesn’t work, look for a new angle, another way in. Here are two classic Nigerian twists to the old theme:

• The appeal to patriotism. This e-mail pitch says, “Hey, I’m not a Nigerian at all. In fact, I’m a member of the U.S. military in Iraq, and I’ve got $25 million to send you. God Bless America!”

• The appeal to security. In a brilliant twist, this pitch appears to come from the FBI. We know you’re doing a transaction with Nigeria, and we’ve checked it out for you. “You are advised to proceed” because the financial institution you’re working with is legit, not like “so many others ... most especially from Nigeria.” Brilliant!

These are great tactics, but not even the Nigerians can rest on the laurels. My suggestion: full-out social media. In a Web 2.0 world, e-mail is so 2003.

Why not a blog, which allows a quicker give-and-take with your target audience? Maybe a podcast? People could subscribe, and every time another chunk of money becomes available, we’d be notified.

Online video might really get the job done. Few can resist clicking on a video, and once they see your dramatic story, they’ll be lining up to give you their account numbers. A dynamic online newsroom could pull it all together in one easy place.